FIRST UPDATE[]
On August 10th, 2016 a protester stands blocking the construction of a bridge in the town of [PLACEHOLDER].
The protester, Uncle Randy the destroyer of childhoods, age 47 (formerly dubbed "Limpdick the Festive scarecrow") stands adamantly on the frozen river the bridge is meant to cross, right on the site. When on-site correspondents interviewed the man, he gave the following statement:
Uncle Randy protesting against the bridge
"This land belongs to the children of nature, mannnn!! The very children I like to touch!"
Construction has been halted until further notice. Updates as the situation develops.
SECOND UPDATE[]
At 6:48 On the 11th of August, the protester has changed his methods from a peaceful to a violent one. As seen in the picture Uncle Randy has strapped several explosives to his body with the intent of detonation if provoked. This is likely in response to the ABC's (Atlas Building Corps) official decree stating any protesters would have to leave the area.
We will continue coverage of this escalating story.
THIRD UPDATE[]
Minutes after the bomb threat, Uncle Randy made a disturbing announcement. See attached picture.
FOURTH UPDATE[]
Uncle Randy has proposed to negotiate with the ABC and is currently awaiting their response.
FIFTH UPDATE [LAST][]
Later today at an unspecified time, an ABC official confronted the man, unexpectedly falling victim to the last ditch effort of Uncle randy. Fortunately the official survived the detonation but was left with several big wounds. He is currently recovering and issued the following statement:
"I have no regrets, the hippie needed to die and I made sure he died in a fiery explosion". - ABC official redrabbit348
Uncle Randy has been wiped off the face of the earth, bringing this coverage to an end. We hope to see less of these extremists in the near future, but who knows what the future holds.
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